Family

Last night I was feeling kind of low, and was "sort of sleeping" all night. I couldn't find a comfortable spot and my mind was running crazy. I kept listening for any sign of Jack over the monitor, wondering if he was dreaming, and if so, what about. He's been having some night terrors lately, where he screams like someone's just pinched him in his sleep. He's also been very restless lately, waking up several times a night, not really wanting to eat, not really sleepy. We've been at a loss about it.

Around 4:00 am, I heard Jack stir. Rich got up to check on him and fed him half of a bottle. I listened to the goings on in Jack's room over the monitor, as I do every night when it's Rich's shift, to know that yes, the baby's eating; OK now he's burping; that's a diaper change; he's back down.. etc. When Rich put Jack down to see if he would sleep any more, Jack was restless.

I tiptoed into his room to see what was going on. He lay there wide-eyed, blinking at me. I picked him up and carried him into our room, into our bed between us. And Jack grinned at me hugely as he snuggled in.

Most nights, I rock Jack and sing to him right before he goes to bed. A lot of times, as he listens he grins at me and melts my heart. Reflexively I grin back. It's wonderfully soothing to both of us.

As I mentioned, I wasn't having a very good night last night, and as soon as we were settled, we began our nightly routine. Only this time Jack was singing a sweet lullabye to me. As he sang his little baby sounds, he kept raising his eyebrows like I do when I sing to him. He made me grin, and he grinned back. And we fell asleep soundly for an hour, until my alarm reminded me that I have other responsibilities too.

But I sometimes forget that being a momma is not just about me taking care of Baby Jack. We are a family now. As much as he needs me, I need him. That, I've found, is one of the loveliest things of all.