So last night around 3:30 a.m. I spent some time trying to teach Jack to juggle.
I wanted to give him a chance since he was about 5 minutes away from being sold to the circus..
In related news, we just survived a round of doctor visits, me and Jack. Mine was easy - I am healing nicely, the urine sample was much easier to manage without a belly in the way, and since I've weaned myself off of the pain meds that were making me ill, we had little to talk about. The only interesting moment was when the doctor asked about our plans for the next baby. After I caught my breath and wiped away the tears from the hysterical laughing, realizing that she was serious, I think I said, "Really? Oh. I don't know. We'd like to move to Europe."
This was puzzling to her. Observing her confusion I said, "I'm not ready to decide anything." She reminded me that nursing is not birth control, and it dawned on me what we were talking about. I've seen too many stair step babies conceived on accident in the months following a birth to be smug. OK, I didn't actually see them conceived, but you get my meaning.
And though Rich was in the corner biting his lip, I still maintained that I was in no condition, having had a baby two weeks ago, to decide if I wanted to be permanently sterile or not. I was handed a flier on different methods of birth control with a reminder about my "advanced age" v. baby having and am expected to make a decision by July 8th. That's in 10 days. (sigh)
Jack's doctor visit was a little unsettling. It began with the pediatrician telling us that Jack's age (2 weeks old) is his least favorite kid age (nice.), though he noted that 14 year old boys are a close second. He informed us that the hardest part of parenting was at our door step, that the colic stage was about to begin. He said that much to the dismay of all of the grandparents, we should not hold Jack all of the time; that Jack needs time apart from his Momma (especially when he screams); and that he is able to control one part of his body - he can hold, or really withhold, his poop which would, of course, make anyone scream. He said that we need to help Jack work on strengthening his ocular movement by putting him to bed in different positions, and we need to make sure that he has plenty of tummy time so that he can work on lifting his head and so that he won't need a head reshaping helmet.
Essentially we were told that our baby would soon be a monster - he would be inconsolable and our best method of defense would be distraction. Also, his skin would become scaly and peely and we would have to scrub him down periodically, without using baby soap - ever - since that would dry out his skin and make things worse.
The good news is Jack is gaining weight, which means the effort it takes to nurse him is worth it.
So there.
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10 comments:
Ahh! Your pediatrician sounds like the monster, not Jack! I recommend a huge change asap. Go get the Dr. Sears The Baby Book, hold your baby, and read it.
Developmentally, humans are more like kangaroos at this age. For the first 9 months of their lives, babies think they _are_ still part of your body. They can't even conceive of alone, much less learn to _be_ alone.
The 50s were a terrible era, but among the worst things that came out of them was this nonsense about not holding babies. Unless you want your baby to cry at you (their way of saying you're doing something you shouldn't do, since crying humans would historically get eaten by a jaguar), hold your baby all the time. Baby needs the limbic system stimulation and you need the bonding hormones to protect against PPD. Plus, it's a lovely, lovely thing to do.
And this stage/age is my favorite actually. It's a beautiful, druggy bonding time where everyone is falling violently in love with each other. Cherish it. The first month, The Mothering Moon, is so special. It's almost otherworldly. I think you'll like a book for this age called _What's Going on in There_ By Elise Elliot. She's a neuroscientist who had children and became obsessed with the cool ways humans functionally develop in these first years. It rocks.
Oh, and for birth control, look into the Leah's Shield. I've been meaning to write about it on my blog. There are so few advances in birth control, it's nice when something new finally comes along. I read about it in the new edition of _Our Bodies, Ourselves_ and then I found it online! Yeah for non-chemical options.
Your doctor's visit? That retelling had me laugh out loud, as I could invision your response and the doctor's reaction.
Jack's doc sounds like a goof, and less than wonderful. Not all babies become colicky, and holding them is just fine. Blah to that silly doctor. No monster, just a growing, changing baby...like he's supposed to be.
I agree with both of you Chelle and Annie, though I don't even know how to begin to find another doctor. I am happy with his office staff, hours, and location, and he comes highly recommended by folks in my community. Some of the staff's teen-age kids are students at my school, etc. I like that aspect.
To clarify, the doc says to definitely pick up Jack when he cries, but he thinks we need to put him down to teach him to sleep at night. I take everything the pediatrician says with a grain of salt. I realize that most of what he tells me is his recommendation and not the parenting law. I'm trying to learn to trust myself to know what to do, though at 3:30 in the morning I'm generally at a loss, my maternal instinct being stretched pretty thin.
I feel this terrible urgency to set a routine, especially since I have to go back to work in 8 weeks. It turns out that Jack doesn't care much for routines.. just like his dad.
Annie, I do have the Dr. Sears book, but I'm not sure I'm emotionally equipped to handle holding Jack all of the time. I find myself trying to pass him off to Rich, especially after nursing - which is difficult. Jack latches on fine, after throwing a horrible, unconsolable fit for 30 minutes beforehand. It takes lots of pacifying to get him to settle down and eat. I need a break from him sometimes and I feel horribly guilty about it, too. Talk about PPD!
I'll try to check out the Elliot book. It sounds really interesting! Thanks for that. :)
Allow me to quite purposely ignore the parenting part of this discussion and just say WTF to you being asked that question about another baby. I mean, I get the physical reasoning, but... damn. I like your response. I hope you keep planning in that direction, much as I would can't-even-think-about-it miss you. I need a place to stay when I travel, and I'd be so proud of you guys.
And I don't think you should feel guilty about not wanting to hold Jack every second. Honestly, I find that healthy. And now I'm shutting up. Please don't throw rocks at the girl with no kids.
The best thing you can do is to just trust your instincts. Take advantage of the fact Rich is home with you, and pass off as often as you needed. When Andy walks in the door each day, he's greeted by me handing him our daughter. You have had major surgery, are going through a HUGE adjustment, and it's all still so extremely new. Be kind to yourself, ease up, and you guys will figure out what is best for you. And, it probably won't be found in a book either. Although, I did refer to "Baby Whisperer" to help me figure out what cries and such meant. But even then, child rearing is NOT an exact science. Rest, laugh, and get outside some too! :)
Maybe I shouldn't pipe up because I don't understand half of what has been written.
But I want to let you know that if people zillions of years ago could figure it out and we did just fine, SO CAN YOU.
Your mothering instincts sound fine to me...you're able to realize and accept that sometimes you're stretched thin. Handing him off to Rich is smart.
As a last line, just rememeber to not compare yourself to other mothers...because you don't know about how easy/tough their babies are just like they don't know how easy/tough Jack is.
You are a fantastic woman. Jack is so very lucky to have you for a mom - regardless of whatever books you have or have not read. If you forget that, write me and I'll remind you.
:),
A
Yeah, what those last two cool chicks said. :)
Eloquence takes a vacation every summer, along with the rest of my brain.
Only 2 things, not every baby gets colic or cradle cap. Other than that........
This can be a time that encompasses so many emotions. It is hard to go from one moment of just getting the confidence that you are starting to get a handle on things, then something might happen that makes you wonder if you'll ever get the hang of it.
The only thing that I would like to say is to do what you think is right, what your heart tells you. This is in anything, more children, the changing (or not changing) of the doctor, or even letting Rich take over so that you have a little "Ginger Time".
There is nothing wrong with whatever you and Rich decide that is right for the both of you and Jack.
As long as there is love, there is no want......
Thanks for the support, you guys! And for the record, all comments are welcome here, whether you are a mom to human baby or to a feline or canine one.
:)
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