Jack went to daycare. This has been a tough transition for me, seeing as I am the type of momma who wants her baby in the bassinet next to her bed until the baby is at least 18. And speaking of that, we've been putting Jack in his crib at night - all the way in the other room - where he has more room to stretch out and sleep. At least that's what I'm telling myself.. That is separation #1.I knew putting Jack in daycare would be difficult - separation #2. He is SO little, and I don't know how to tell him that I'll be back to get him in a few hours. He still speaks Urdu, and I am only fluent in English. Plus, he doesn't understand what an hour is. And how do you communicate that you'll miss him or that you're not abandoning him.. that you love him and that this is the hardest thing you've ever done and the worst you've ever felt.
And how silly that this is the emotion. I mean people send their kids to daycare everyday. We have a wonderful lady, Nanny, who looks after Jack. He is safe and loved there. And I tell myself that every morning.
Also, I am trying to stop nursing - separation #3 - because my work schedule doesn't allow for me to continue without becoming engorged or having painfully blocked ducts. And then multiply that by guilt from being told repeatedly by friends and the Internet that I'm poisoning my kid with formula. And what you have left is a wisp of a person who is trying to hold it all together - to be a professional, to be rational, to breathe.
It's not working. I feel like it's not working. Because actually it is working. I just hate it.
At the end of the day, when I go and get Jack at Nanny's house, he smiles so big. I hope it is because he gets a warm feeling when he sees me, and that recognizes me as his momma. I miss him.
5 comments:
I can't even imagine how that feels!
You're doing a great thing - he's well taken care of and he knows that you love him. That being said, I'm sure it is very painful. :(
We switched little one to formula after one month. it's tons easier, there's still bonding, and no need to cover oneself. Lots of bonuses. Forget everyone else, you have to do what works best for you! Besides, they get all the nutrients and such they need in the first month.
Love that you get those smiles at the end of the day :)
One more thing, my cousin, who's a teacher, breastfed her kiddo in the morning and at night, and in between used formula. There's another option.
I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my oldest for 2 years and I breastfed him for over a year. My youngest only got breastfed for 8 months (he had formula while I worked during the day, breast milk in the mornings and night). The boys are now 13 and 4 1/2 and they are both healthy, beautiful, and extremely intelligent if I do say so myself. My little one was not poisoned just because he was on formula. This is a sad time to go through. I cried when I had to back to work when Shane was 7 weeks old, but having him in a loving environment made the transition easier. He is well adjusted and knows that I love him!
Off the subject: I passed my test! Thank you for your words of encouragement!
Ginger I was wondering what you guys were doing for child care. I wish I was there I would take Jack for you. My sister in law is going through the same thing. They just had there baby in July so she is way stressed about leaving little Kaycee. It does suck I remember the first time I left Zack it was awful I cried and cried. Then I started having Cliff take him and then I would go rescue him at the end of the day. It was the perfect plan.
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