It turns out that I stink at being a stay-at-home mom. My hat is off to those of you who choose this. You are strong, brave women!
Apparently I have the attention span of a kitten with a twisty-tie. I pounce and pounce and pounce, UNTIL something shiny crosses my path. Then it's twisty-tie be damned! I'm off to discover the meaning of light. Unless someone makes a noise or tries to tie their shoe or opens a can of any kind or the phone rings or I find a dust bunny... and so on. I do not have the ability to sit and coo at Jack for long periods of time, and though we find each other amusing for significant intervals, I find that I need to get out - away from the house. Away from him. I am currently reconciling myself to the idea that this doesn't make me a selfish person or a bad mom. I think the best thing I can do is work on my own sanity for his sake. And getting out is the only way I know to do it. Home feels like a trap to me. This is not new.
You can imagine my excitement when I was "released for all activity" today by my doctor. I said, "So, does that mean I can swim?" and she said, "yes, ALL activity is fine." Then I said, "How about riding my bike. Can I ride my bike?" And she said, "Yes." So I said, "What about..." As you can see, I handled her pronouncement like a 5 year old handles the question "Why?" Luckily for me, my doctor is a patient woman. That AND Rich eventually dragged me out of the doctor's office as I clung to the carpet, yelling, "What about Foosball? Can I play Foosball? Or hackey sack? What about hackey sack? (echoing down the hall) For the love of God, am I clear for hackey sack!?..."
The point is, I get to go and play, between nursings that is. And I am ecstatic about it. I also did a little bit of work correspondence today and that felt nice. We took Jack to meet his "child-care provider", Nanny, today and they were both very comfortable with each other. That's a load off, too. So all in all, I think we are headed down a good path.
And phew, I'm really glad I am figuring this stuff out now, before I make any life altering decisions. Thank God for summer!
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6 comments:
Being cleared for activity makes a HUGE difference! The house can feel like a prison at times. Glad things are coming together for you to return to teaching, which you love ALMOST as much as Jack :) Enjoy your freedom!!!
Yay!! I am so glad you were cleared and able to do whatever your little heart desires!! Enjoy it because before we know it we'll be back at school!! Yes, isn't Summer Great?
all activities? Does that mean you can lift up Meeples in obscure german board games?
YAY!!!!
I don't know, Peter. I'll have to ask..
;)
Ginger,
I can't tell you how much I appreciate this post! Because I'm fairly confident that I will have this same feeling when/if I ever have kids.
Thank you for feeling this way and blogging about it.
I have a feeling that you will have saved me much torment later when I realize that what I will be feeling is okay.
You STILL rock.
:),
A
Hey YOU ROCK! I love this post. You have figured something out already that so few women have the confidence to figure out (um, I still am not there after 5 years at home) - - that your mental state is vital to the emotional well being of your baby! Get out as much as you can to get a breath of fresh air, and it is OK to multi task while you are at home. I love your at the doctor story - so funny!
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