Like Chelle, I too have been going through my closet, pulling out everything maternity in an effort to reorganize and as motivation to get back into shape. Only for me, this looks like a rabid dog treeing an imaginary squirrel in an imaginary tree. Each time I pull out an article of clothing that doesn't fit, I prolongedly bay at it, scratch it off of the hanger, and chuck it into one of two piles: the maternity pile or the not-maternity-I'll-probably-never-wear-this-again-stupid-wrecked-body pile.
You can already see the folly in this.
My closet has been whittled down to three pairs of pants, two t-shirts (that do not match the pants), one summer scarf, and a parka. This means I wear the same mismatched thing every other day. Which means I do lots of small loads of laundry. Which means I'm ridiculous.
But really, I do have a horrid reaction to my pre-maternity wardrobe. For some reason it completely stresses me out and I think I know why. I worked SO hard to be able to fit into the size 6's last summer and was so proud (read dramatically overconfident) that I gave away my size 10's-14's as motivation to keep myself, at the biggest, an 8.
Before anyone gives me a lecture about sizes and body types and the American image issues, I have to admit that I have always had trouble looking at myself in a mirror. Yes. This is an issue. No it doesn't matter how fluffy or thin I think I am. I still can't actually see my own form correctly. That's a problem. But last summer, my body was actually healthy - physically. Emotionally, I was working through some pretty heavy things, but my time outside definitely made the burdens feel lighter. I worked out everyday - rode my bike 25 miles a day and swam. I was eating healthy and felt so good.
I miss that.
As soon as I discovered that I was pregnant with Jack, I stopped all activity. I was so cautious and afraid because I knew I couldn't emotionally handle another miscarriage. I haven't worked out in 11 months and it seems like my pre-maternity clothes are in my closet to mock me, reminding me of my own silly pre-maternity vanity.
I am taking occasional breaks from my own pity party to think about working out again. Yesterday I went to the community pool to start slow and work my way back to the bike. But instead of swimming laps, I dipped myself in the cool water, basked in the warm sun, and allowed myself the pleasure of a trashy paperback.
Mental health is important, too, right?
I'll get there.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Blog Design: Tweaked By Jenieshell
Critters: By Simply Sweet Designs
5 comments:
You will get back there...and take the opportunity to rest and relax now, especially before school starts! Once you are teaching again, and you are even more active, things will start changing...no worries.
Yes, your clothes are mocking you!
Start with a walk. Well, if you can find anytime of the day that is comfortable enough. It's a beginning.
I agree you will get there!! And I am sure in no time at all you will get plenty of exercise running after Jack!
Exercise can be really good for so many things, and I know you will be back into the groove soon. But yes, in the meantime, mental health is good too. And even though nursing provides good one-handed paperback reading time, it's not always the best. So yes, lounge in the sun with the trashiness. No one's going to tell on you.
And if they do, work out those biceps by pushing them into the pool.
2 things there friend....
1st, yes your mental health IS very important, do things that you want to take care of you so you can take care of baby Jack.....taking a walk and then getting lots of rest is probably better for your body than riding a bunch of miles on a bike. you will get there, no worries! 2nd thing is that the good news is God have us nursing which burns a ton of calories. let me tell you 8 months after my first baby I was the smallest I ever have been. yes it took a few months but it did happen. those size sixes will be back in business this time next year I bet. just some words from a bossy big sis
Post a Comment